So it’s so lovely here in London. I am working hard gigging and getting ready for my big BAFTA party on Sunday night. As you all know by now John Smeaton is my guest. My dress is ready but I decided to pop into Harrods and buy a SPANKS tummy control body stocking…I heard they were good and I need a wee bit of support.

I bought the thing took it home and tried to pull it on. Basically it’s like a big pair of tights that go right up under your bra. The thing was SO tight I couldn’t get it over my fucking knees, it was trying to pull on a baby’s swimsuit!

I was stuck with it wrapped tights across my legs and then discovered I couldn’t get it OFF…I hopped up the hallway of my flat and fell on my face. I now I have a scabby elbow.

Finally after much struggling the damn thing finally did get over my tummy and I pulled it right up and all my fat bits were drawn in…I could hardly breathe.

It took ages to get back off…I am not wearing it to the BAFTAS I am going in my normal pants and will suffer a flabby tummy.

The only reason to wear that thing is to prevent rape, not even the strongest man in the world would get them off you in a hurry. Though there is a gap at the crotch to pee out of…don’t ask me if it accommodates a back bottom situation as I didn’t check.

I am off to starve myself for Sunday…